Meet Politics’s Worst People!
The Shonky Political figures are an assembly of some of the vilest beings in existence. They came together with one goal in mind: to doom their respective nations with bad decision-making in order to enrich themselves and their supporters. Once they gain power, they will do everything in their power to protect those who put them in office.
That means passing legislation that benefits only a small percentage of the community (lets say 1% or thereabouts) while worsening conditions for the less fortunate. These are some nasty individuals with many unsavory qualities, including being unpleasant to look at and having foul body odor – which makes sense because you’ll find no one more rotten than these vile creatures!
The Shonky Political Party are corrupt and they will do anything to win. Vote for someone who will ruin everything.
Political figures who excel at doing shonky things
- Shonky politics made easy
- If you like hurting others and making life miserable for everyone, then this is the party for you
- If you’re sick of the good stuff happening to good people, then Shonky is for you
Greased Palm Enthusiasts. Indeed.
The greased palm is a familiar sight around the world. Invisible to the naked eye, the shonk grease can only be seen by wearing a pair of Shonkyview Glasses. The wearer of these glasses is able to see the shonkiness in the world and is able to identify the greased palm quickly and easily. We know you are thinking…how do I get my grubby little mitts on a pair of the famous ShonkyView glasses? Perhaps in the future they may appear as an NFT. In the meantime, you have to use your own judgement.
The greased palm is a common phenomenon in the political and many other industries. The greased palm goes back many centuries and it has been used to create some of the most nefarious situations in history. The greased palm ensures that those with money are able to buy what they want, even though it may be well against the public interest. Palm greasers only care about their own interests and they will grease any palm they need to, to accomplish the ability to commit their dastardly deeds.
Who are the Shonky Political Figures?
The Shonky Political figures are a motley band of baddies from around the globe who have been getting together to try and do bad things in order to ruin our lives. They love burning coal, they lie about what is happening in the world and give lots of money to rich people in order to take over our lives with terrible ideas.
Who is horrid enough to join the worst group of individuals in the world you may ask? Well sit down and grab a cookie, because you are about to learn all about this pathetic little crew of money grabbing, corrupt miscreants.
Shonk Shonkerson
Minister for Shirking
Meet Shonk Shonkerson, the very definition of mediocre. The smirking weasel of everybody’s nightmares, shirking responsibility like water rolling off the shank of a greased pig.
A prolific liar, Shonk is partial to bling glasses and unibrows and their erratic hairline is the most interesting thing about them.
Ensuring the longevity of their shameful career by being in cahoots with horrible people.
The Universe Pays Shonk Back
The universe saw their misogynistic tendencies and blessed them with only daughters.
We won’t spoil any surprises, but suffice it to say Shonk is at the center of an unholy alliance of unsavory people.
Shonk has vigorously growing ear hair which grows inches every few hours. They have to hack the bristly hair off every hour, hoping people don’t notice. Within days the hairs can reach their nipples. Shonk has been given this fitting punishment by Sparam – The Priestess of Truth.
Shonkboi McBrownnose
Minister for Stupid Purchases
Shonkboi McBrownnose is the Minister for Stupid Purchases and they take their role very seriously. They ensure that they are always first in line to make the most disastrous purchases using taxpayer money. Shonkboi always makes sure their nose is very brown.
Shonkboi feels that they are a VIP and should be treated as such. With a penchant for purchasing expensive items with the public purse, Shonkboi ensures that they spend every single cent at their disposal. They also like to approve their shonky political buddies expense claims as well.
Hey Shonkboi McBrownnose! It looks like it is time to find yourself another job.
Their preposterous hairline is often described as business in the front, and a party in the back.
Shonkboi feels that the 80’s will make a comeback anytime and they are well placed to take advantage of the trend when it finally returns. Shonkboi enjoys knitting, petting zoos and playing dodgeball.
It’s rumoured that Shonkboi has a picture of a one legged Stegasaurous tattooed under their tongue, although this is not confirmed.
Shamus McShonkinson
Minister for Tall Stories
Shamus McShonkinson is the minister for tall stories and they don’t disappoint.
Shamus claims to be a direct descendant of the Hurk-Footed Yimba Clan, however everybody knows they’re actually an entitled twat from Wahroonga.
Shamus’s main function in the Shonky Political Party is to make up excuses and pass blame onto others. Their tall stories usually end up in the tabloids, touted as truth!
Shamus likes to keep a neat red lip, and feels that people will believe a beautiful lip would never utter a mistruth. So far, they haven’t got many followers on their secret lip inspired instagram account, but they’re hoping to build it up very soon.
A Donkey Lover
Shamus enjoys collecting donkey related memorabilia, wearing ironic t-shirts and swiping right to everybody on Tinder.
Not afraid to misuse public funds for personal expenses, they brag that their life is better than yours.
Shamus is estranged from their family.
Tratie Shonkalds
Minister for Soap Carving
Tratie Shonkalds is the Minister for Soap Carving, and rose to fame for being a Judas. Their motto is: Traumatise them until they go away! Tratie is rather fond of bovines, and is often seen wearing dairy inspired fashions, hoping to raise awareness about milking rights.
Tratie was elected to their position of Minister for Soap Carving in December 2017 and continues to whittle away any chance of us finding a redeeming quality about them.
Tratie feels that to rise in a a soap dominated world, they need to destroy other cleansers. To do this, they make sure cleansers are persecuted and their stories are not believed. What a gem.
A Betrayer of Women
A firm believer in puppy kicking, trait is not popular with the West Coast crowd, or any crowd.
Tratie enjoys rollerskating, growing their own corn and is state brisket eating champion 4 years in a row! Tratie knows their meats, that’s for sure.
Chonk Shonkenburt
Minister for Public Debarcle
Chonk Shonkenburt’s primary political function is to cause public debarcles. Their clownish demeanor lends itself to their effectiveness as a colossal dinkenpoop. If you’re looking for a good laugh and someone who hates poor people then Chonk Shonkenburt is your man!
Don’t be fooled by their whimsical demeanor, Chonk Shonkenburt is not just another shonky face. They may have started out as a clown but they quickly become one of the most dangerous people in the country due to their ruthless punishment of those who are less fortunate than them. Their pink lip never fail to highlight their large forehead which helps distract people from noticing how terrible they are at math!
Chonkariffic!….not..
Chonk is not just bad at math, they’re downright terrible! They act out by weilding their power to punish poor people for being poor. Chonk has mummy issues and low self esteem stemming from their creepy childhood. Chonk was bullied in their neighbourhood for being a colossal Weiner head.
Shonket O’Shonkster
Minister for Shady Deals
Shonket O’Shonkster doesn’t dissapoint when it comes to making the shadiest deals this side of uranus. Shonket is so crooked, that they sold their own wife into slavery to buy a very unattractive business suit. Shonket is a slimy snake who will sell you out just to get ahead.
Their appointment to Minister for Shady Deals was done under the table and the fact that they didn’t finish grade 6 didn’t seem to affect their rise to ministerial power.
Shonket lives a lavish lifestyle on the taxpayers dollar. Private planes, escorts, palatial homes and champagne for breakfast. If only they didn’t sell their wife, they might have somebody to share it with!
Shonket the Junket!
Shonket enjoys takeaway foods, smooching their pet iguana and wearing ladies underpants.
Their foot fetish has made it nearly impossible for them to attend the local pool, where parents have a petition with 48635 names, essentialy banning them for life.
Handsey Shonker
Minister for Apple Goating
Handsey Shonker is just as shady as their name suggests. Handsey gets a little handsy with people all over the place, but always manages to come out on top somehow. Nobody knows who Handsey’s benefactor is but we know they aren’t very fond of women–in fact it’s been said that every time they do something indecent their teeth grow further apart!
Handsey Shonker is like a cat with nine lives, except handsy keeps getting busted being, well, handsy and keeps bouncing back to positions of immense power.
Likes to use their hands
Handsey enjoys making origami cats, bursting balloons and pulling the wings off moths. Handsey has tried to keep their hands busy by taking up various hobbies, however, handsey always ends up putting their hands where they don’t belong. Disaster.
Always swipe left where Handsey is concerned.
TomFarter Shonkyse
Minister for Cringe
Tomfarter Shonkyse is a nosy old windbag who is surprisingly fertile. Tomfarter, or Love Machine as they prefer, can impregnate an intern at 500 metres.
Tomfarter’s speciality is Creating public spectacles and carrying on like a pork chop. They love their own reflection and thinks up anything to get their face on the news. Love machine renews their life partner every 10 years and is known for choosing younger and younger models each time.
Redder than a Thigh Rub on a Hot Day
TomFarter likes their interns to call them BigRedDaddy, as they huff and puff around the office, sniffing out the fertile. They also like to make them watch them hold their breath until they turn redder. Ooh daddy.
TomFarter enjoys making their own catmeat pasta, making sculptures with pulverised fish fingers and cross country lampooning. Avoid this mess.