The Shonky News Company
The Shonky News Company is an international conglomerate of shoddy journalism, propagating misinformation and inciting strife with impunity. Nobody really knows why they do this, but some say it’s because if there were peace, nobody would be reading their articles or watching their news broadcasts. And if there were no clicks, there’d be no cash; we all know Dingleberry would sell their granny into slavery for a dollar!
Their primary objective is to provide entertainment by telling outrageous, sensationalised stories which keep readers on their site and viewers tuned in. Some speculate that they use these outlandish tales as a means of distracting from the real issues, so if people aren’t talking about them.
For this reason, many believe that Dingleberry and their monstrously shameful band of evil enablers use these deplorable tactics to control what information gets out there.
The Devil’s Disgraceful Disciples
The Shonky News Company headquarters is situated in what used to be the most expensive part of town. When Shonky News moved into this neighborhood, it was a thriving metropolis. But since that terrible day, the other businesses in the area have been forced to moved away. The reason is the dripping hatred that covers everything Shonky News gets near. The hatred seeps out of the building and smells like the fetid bowel of satan himself.
The gardens only have gnarled tree stumps where there used to be flourishing hedges. With each passing day, more greenery dies as they grow weaker and weaker under the heavy cloak of bile that coats everything Shonky News Company touches. It’s as if the company’s pervasive hatred permeates every inch of their headquarters.
All around, what once were lush plants and trees now lie dead and barren, as if they had been killed by some powerful toxin. Those trees which died an agonising death are a reminder that this place is one of hatred, lies and loathing.
The smell from the walls radiates with hatred so strong you can taste it on your tongue. A person could choke on the rancid air of hell, if they were so inclined. It’s not just the atmosphere either; the grounds are littered with shriveled up grass, and vines that have all been poisoned by this place’s malice.
The sky above the Shonky News Company’s headquarters always has a putrid smelling chunderstorm raging. It spews down warts and scabs which cover the roof of the building. What a horrible place.
Dingleberry Shonkdok
Dingleberry Shonkdok is the CEO for the Shonky News Company. They sit on their throne which is made from the putrid pustules of a thousand festering abcesses.
Their outer appearance is what you would expect from a red-faced, scowling demon who can’t stand to see any goodness in this world. The only thing more disgusting than their outer appearance are their inner thoughts and deeds.
This demonic creature can’t help but spread hate wherever they go; in fact, all over the world there are manifestations of this creature’s loathing in the form of vile fluids that drip everywhere like the most horrifying bombardment of pus and vomit.
Dingleberry Shonkdok’s Cloven Hooves
Dingleberry is a red colour. Some speculate that it’s because dingleberry was created by satan and the demons themselves. At the very best, they are an entitled old windbag whose hatred permeates the globe.
Dingleberry’s evil deeds have taken a toll on his body. It’s said that from the waist down, Dingleberry is completely flaccid. Their saggy legs dangling unceremoniously from their pendulous hips. As they usually wear a suit, the wooden stilts that they strap their legs to hold them up usually go unseen.
Without these stilts, dingleberry would otherwise slide along the ground like a writhing tapeworm. They have cloven hoofs instead of human feet, a gift from the unholy demon Crahmton, the king of pus and filth.
The Shonky News Network
The world’s most diabolical creature has come up with a new way to destroy humanity: spreading lies through the media. Their websites and television broadcasts are filled with opinions, heresay and outright lies. Their wicked name is Dingleberry Shonkdok, and they’re a rich old businessdevil with a knack for finding ways to make money off the misery of the masses.
Their newspapers, magazines, websites, and television broadcasts are all about stirring up anger and violence – they love seeing crowds turn into riots! But you can’t be too careful – because this monster also likes giving people bad advice about health care! In fact, Dingleberry’s plan to destroy humanity might be even worse than Satan’s!
The Shonky News Network is an online television station which airs fake news reports and opinion pieces. Their reporters, known for being spineless puppets, read this material with a smile on their face because they’re too scared of their boss to say anything else. That and they like the pay check. Their names are Biff, Boff and Boof; they’re soulless creatures who live miserable lives because they sold themselves to the disgusting Mr. Shonkdok. They also have a secret….
Shonk News
Shonk News is the news printed on paper. A newspaper, except it’s not really news. It’s mostly celebrity gossip, unsubstantiated opinions and outright lies. A colossal waste of resources considering the lies that are printed on this cheap paper. For those of you who don’t know what a newspaper is, it’s an ancient way to keep up with what’s happening in your town.
Shonk News has a specific demographic. The haters love it. It’s their jam. The only people that read Shonk News are old people who can’t get online because they don’t trust the internet. The very same chumps who said crypto is a scam. Good on ya, ya monga.
Biff Boff and Boof
Who doesn’t know the three heads of the Shonk Newreaders? I bet you’ve never seen them more than halfway through, though. It’s always been an inside joke that they’re just wearing clothes on top and nothing underneath. Well, here’s your answer: Biff, Boff and Boof only show from the waist up because they’re actually puppets! And not just any old puppet either-they’re huge, idiotic puppets with no legs at all!
A long time ago, Biff, Boff and Boof were actual people…but when they came to work for Dingeberry, they sold their souls and while he was collecting their souls, Dingleberry took their hearts and brains too! Thats why they can so callously spread hatred and misinformation without caring. They also removed their innards, so they can’t even get a gut feeling about things anymore. Talk about making a deal with the devil!
You might wonder why they are able to keep a straight face while they read the fake news…its because they are literally empty inside. Now you know the secret!